I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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