my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
