I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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