this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
