I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
