last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
whose parrot is this?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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