you guys were way drunker than both of me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
