I wanna bring you to show and tell
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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