i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
