It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
