the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
