Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
