i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
