"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
