Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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