she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
