don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
