Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
