go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
