the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have already put on my inside pants.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
