Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
