Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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