I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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