apparently the secret to your success is patron
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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