So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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