Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
