It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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