i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
