We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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