You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
