I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
