Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Randomize
