it was like his penis was on wheels.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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