My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
