I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
