Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
