At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
