I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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