Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
