someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
