Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
