Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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