i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
