I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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