theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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