She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
