giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
