is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
