Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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