Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
