those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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