You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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