I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just invented taco cereal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
