And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
