I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
