i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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