i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
