he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
